When you're pregnant, everyone knows

That you will soon be a Mom. They ask questions about when you're due, what you are having, how you are feeling and some even comment on how you look. *insert annoying comment on how big you are here*

How can you miss this belly? And this is only at 27 weeks.

Then when you have the baby and you're out in public, everyone knows you're a Mom.

BUT, when you're out and about without baby, nobody has a CLUE that you're a Mother at all. This here makes me sad. I want the world to know that I am a Mother to a beautiful baby boy whom I love more than life itself.

I want people to know that the little pudgie belly I still have is because I'm only 6 weeks post baby and I'm working on getting it tightened back up.

I want to wear something that says "I am a Mother". Would that be silly?

Our little chuck-a-monk!

I swear to never judge again

Yep, I will be honest, I judged before I had a child. Should I have? No, probably not, since I had no idea what it was like to raise a child and to care of an infant.

Well, I am making a pledge, to never judge again.

I would judge those who never breastfed, only used formula, threw their child infront of a TV, vaccinated, gave their child soda and hot dogs, and women with children and without wedding rings on (as I haven't been able to wear mine still), etc.

Ok, a few of those things I still don't agree with but I don't judge. I understand every parent is different and so is every child therefore judging just isn't right to do.

Before I even got pregnant I said I would never feed my child formula for the meer fact that breastmilk is 100 times better for them. Then I did research on it and swore even harder that I would do whatever I had to, to not give my child any. Well....little did I know I wouldn't be quite the milk machine that my child needs me to be and therefore we have to give him some formula.

When he was a week old, he had to be admitted to the hospital for Jaundice (a post I still need to write) and this is where the introduction of formula started. It helps them rid of the Bilirubin a lot faster so we gave him only a few oz's.

Then we went to the Pediatrician at 9 days old and he wasn't back up to his birth weight so we were told to supplement with some formula to help get him back up. This devistated me. I called formula the devil's food, I won't lie.

I still h.a.t.e. giving it to him but I know that it's for the better. He just isn't satisfied with just nursing on me. Now that I have a good pump (Thanks to Modern Mommy Boutique) I can get quite a bit of breastmilk stored in the fridge for when he's not full from nursing. We are pretty much down to only formula at night and that's not even every feeding.

Things are getting better with nursing and it's making me one happy Mommy. I hope to get him off the formula completely, one of these days as it's still not good for him. (Yes, better than starving though.)

So, although I swear to never judge on this topic, I feel like I am being judged when I buy a can of it or people see me feeding it to Preston. I may never get past this fear of being judged but at least I learned a lesson not to judge.

I mean, look at this sweet baby boy's face. Does he look like he's fed well?! Falling asleep after having Mommy's milk!

I finally feel human again

I didn't feel like myself for the first 4ish weeks of Preston's life.

I wish it were different and that I instantly felt normal or like myself after he was born. Everyone warns you of potential Post Partum Depression (PPD) but you really don't understand how your body is going to react to the hormones trying to get back to normal. (Let me clarify....I don't believe I had PPD, my horomones were just all out of wack.)

Honestly, I thought he'd come out, and I'd feel normal. I had a very easy pregnancy when it came to hormones. I never felt crazy, emotional, angry, sad, etc. I felt blessed and in turn thought I'd have no problem once he was born.

I was wrong. I was an emotional wreck. I'd cry and I wouldn't know why. Once my Mom went back to NY, it got even worse. It also didn't help that Preston would cry A LOT the first 2 weeks until we realized he just wasn't getting enough milk from me.

Once 5 weeks hit (last Tuesday), it's like I entered a whole new world. His sleeping got better, he'd go to sleep without having to be rocked, we figured out how much he'd need to eat to be happy, I felt comfortable leaving the house with him by myself, I finally figured out how to shower and get ready when I was home alone with him, and more importantly, I met 2 girls who live very close to me who both have babies within 5 weeks of Preston who I hang out with and talk to about the ups and downs of having a newborn.

Yesterday, I met one of these girls at a Breastfeeding Support Group and then we went to lunch. I came home to Chris, fed Preston, ran to the store, jumped in the pool and had a beer.

Yes, I FINALLY feel human again and I am sooooo happy about it.

If you're a first time Mom and feeling like I did, just know that it will get better, I promise you!

After eating, he's half asleep and as happy as can be....(faces like this make it all worth it) 

And so is mommy!

Does it matter the genre of music?

If it will put your child to sleep?

Judge me if you will but my child loves rap and hip hop. If he's cranky and/or tired and just won't go down for his nap or calm down, we just put the iPod on and he's out!

It's quite amazing, I won't lie!

I am so happy that Chris figured this out. In his first 3 weeks of life, he wouldn't just go down if he was tired; he had to be rocked to sleep and sometimes that wouldn't even work. So, one day, Chris put the iPod on and he was instantly happy.

It also helps that we bought a new swing in which he is in love with.

Thank you, Lord, for both music and baby swings.

1 Month already?!?!

Wow, I can't believe my sweet baby boy is 1 month old already (as of yesterday).

Didn't I just have him? It truly is unbelievable how quickly they grow up.

May 17, 2011 Preston Garrett entered the world

Preston weighed in at 7 lbs 6 oz's and was 20.5 inches long of pure perfection.

Our lives have been forever changed. We are on his schedule which includes lots of feedings, late night feedings, tons of diaper changes, sleepless nights, and rocking him to sleep.

He now weighs 9 lbs 12.5 oz's (90th percentile) and is 22.5 inches (97th percentile) long. WOWZERS...he sure has grown!

Slow down little man, you are only little once and we'd like to enjoy it a bit longer, please!

Things he does or loves:

Smiling on occasion

Lying with his Momma

Eating

Riding in the car (puts him right to sleep)

Being in his swing

Yep, our little guys is just adorable and we couldn't have imagined our lives any differently!!!

Preston we love you more than you will ever know. We hope you are happy and we want you to know we will give you the world. XOXO

I feel extremely guilty....

For having moved to Arizona and leaving my family.

I felt guilty at the time, just about 2 years ago, when we left NY to move to sunny AZ but I knew that I couldn't stay there just because of the guilt. I had to do it for myself, for my husband, for US.

Where I am from, in NY, it is not known for a booming job market or good weather. Both are pretty sucky which is why we packed up and moved. Having a husband from Northern California didn't help either. He hated the snow more than I did and I had lived in it my whole life, a mere 27.5 years. He would moan and complain every day he had to shovel or snowblow or when his car wouldn't get up the driveway because the snow was so packed down.

He made the sacrifice first to move to NY to be with me so I only felt it was right of me to give moving a chance. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Arizona. How can you beat having the sun out almost every day of the year, no snow, hardly any rain?! It's quite amazing. Yes, the summers are H.O.T but again, it beats the snow and having to shovel or snowblow, having to warm up your car at least 15 minutes before leaving the house or having to scrape ice off your windshield for a good 10-20 minutes. You don't have to bundle up or put layers upon layers on. You don't have to worry about the salt from the Snow Plows rusting your car....

Ok, so back to why I feel guilty. I guess I could go on and on about the pros of living in sunny AZ but I won't bore you.

I feel guilty because it's not just about me and my husband anymore, it's about us and our CHILD. He has Grandparents who absolutely adore him who live in NY and Northern Cal. Obviously, I feel more guilty about being away from my parents rather than my In-laws for a couple reasons. 1. Because they are my parents. 2. They are MUCH further from us than Northern Cal.

Northern Cal is only a 11-12 hour drive. Upstate NY is a whole day of plane ride away or a good 3-4 day drive. It's not easy or cheap either way you look at it.

I am the only one who will give my parents grandchildren and now they don't even get to be a part of his life full time. Yes, I feel guilty. It's horrible, it's eating away at me. I try to remember that we can Skype, send pictures and see eachother hopefully 2-4 times a year but it's just not the same.

My Mom is my best friend other than my husband. She knows me the best as she's the one who raised me. She couldn't wait to be a Grandma and I know she missed Preston more than anything. Does she miss me? Yes, of course but I think I've taken a backseat to her Grandson now and I am ok with that.

I really hope to get her to move out here one day......whether that is in 5 years (not going to happen) or 10 years. Hopefully, it is before she is too old.

For us to move back East would just be too hard. Going from this weather to that horrible horrible cold and frigged weather, we would be absolutely miserable. Plus, our little pup wouldn't be able to handle it either, he just loves the heat and sun.

How do you move across the country with a baby/child anyways? That sounds like torture to me. Also, having to sell our house sounds just as horrible.......

So, until we can be close again, my guilt will continue and we will do our best to see eachother as much as possible.

I mean, is there anything better than a Grandmother's love??

Mom....please accept my apology for moving 3000 miles away. I know it's not easy and I miss you just as much as you miss us. I wish we could be close again. I can only imagine the possibilities if we were!

How do I find the time?

To honestly do anything other than care for this little human we created?

I want to blog but once I sit down to do it, he wakes up, like RIGHT now.

I want to clean but can't find the time.

I would love to shower everyday but that doesn't even happen. Gross, I know but I don't go anywhere or see anyone other than my husband so does it really matter?

Everyone says to sleep when he sleeps but then I will really get nothing done.

He likes to eat, sleep and poop. It doesn't seem hard to care for a 3 week old but it is. He is demanding. He likes to fight his sleep which is a trait he got from his Daddy. When he's awake, he doesn't like to be put down, a trait he got from his Mommy.

I hope to find more time to blog. Having wireless internet would really come in handy right now but we don't have it.

I still need to blog about his trip back to the hospital at 1 week old for Jaundice, our trials and tribulations with breastfeeding, starting cloth diapers, etc.

I will leave you with some adorable pictures to hold you over.