I Hate Blogging

Yep, I hate it.

I hate figuring out what to write about.

I hate trying to find time to write about whatever I decided I wanted to write about.

So...

I'm done! No more blogging for me. It's a waste of time for me!

BYE!

Our Summer Travels

So, Preston was born May 17th, we went to Northern Washington State for my sister-in-laws wedding on July 11th-18th and then to Lake Tahoe August 25th-28th for my husband's cousins wedding.

Wow, traveling with an infant sure does require a lot of luggage (damn, I wish I had a picture).

We had 1 suitcase for me and baby, 1 for my husband, 1 carry-on, my breastpump, purse, Preston's Boppy (highly recommend for younger babies), and a mini freezer pack that holds 2 bottles. Oh, and how could I forget, the carseat and base. I'm sure we looked ridiculous to others.

When we dropped our car off at an off-site parking lot, a couple on our shuttle laughed at us. They said, "And we thought traveling with just the 2 of us was hard enough until we saw you guys with an infant." All I could do was laugh also. He confirmed that we indeed looked quite crazy.

I was very nervous about a 2-3 hour flight to Washington with an 8 week old baby who liked to be constantly moving.

I had Preston in the Moby while we had our layover and he loved it.

I also had to find a bathroom with an outlet so I could pump (that was interesting). I got 'er done though!

Needless to say, he proved me wrong. I shouldn't have worried a bit. He was amazing. Everyone loved him, ooh'd and aaah'd over him, including the flight attendants (who were amazing, I have to say) and he got fussy once but when we got him to sleep or fed him, he was fine.

We did a lot while in Washington, we even went to Vancouver (which made for a not-so-fun car ride home). He slept through the night 2 times while we were there and slept through the entire wedding reception.

Lunch in Vancouver

Hotel room for the wedding

It's wedding time!

Such a great baby!

I was beyond happy that I knew he had the ability to do great on planes since we had Lake Tahoe coming up a few weeks later.

At this point he was, 14 weeks old, bigger and MUCH heavier so I had a harder time getting him to sleep in my seat.

We got SO lucky that we got the front row of the plane so it was easy on & off and I didn't have to worry about exposing myself to the entire plane when trying to nurse him. We also had a wonderful man sitting next to us with his own grandchildren so he just loved Preston.

Once we got to Tahoe, we had to wait for my sister and brother-in-law to get there, rent a car and then drive about an hour to our condo. Luckily we had fed Preston while waiting for them so he was all set for the drive. We got a Cadillac as our rental (talk about baller status) and Preston slept the whole way there.

It was MUCH cooler in Tahoe than Phoenix but it was very refreshing. Tahoe is a beautiful place in the summer. I have never been during the winter and I don't really have any desire either.

Waiting for his Aunt and Uncle.

Loving the cooler weather.

Really liking the water but it's a bit cold.

Meeting his cousin, who is 12 days younger, for the first time.

LOVE him!!

I love my family!

We also didn't get the front row on our way home...we were towards the middle of the plan in the middle and inside seats. This made it harder to get up to change him, to rock him and to nurse him. I'm sure I exposed myself once or twice. (Preston's not a huge fan of the nursing cover.)

He got fussy at one point towards the end of the flight but I fed him and he fell asleep.

We had a great vacation but we were definitely happy to be home. He's a great traveler and we're happy we started so young.

Nothing worse than a little spilled milk

And I never thought I'd say that.

After I finished my first pump of the day yesterday, I was trasferring my milk into a storage bag when it slipped out of my hand and fell onto the mini fridge and my milk spilled ALL over the fridge.

It took my breath away, my heart started pounding and I almost started crying. No, really, this all happened.

I work hard for this milk and to see it go to waste is heart breaking. Luckily, I didn't spill it all and I was able to salvage most of it but I'm still saddened by it.

Here is the proof and this is after I cleaned some of it up already....

Yep, such a disgrace!

 ::Le Sigh::

We celebrate in STYLE

Labor Day is usually not a day we like to “celebrate” but this year was a bit different.

My Mom has been in town since August 31^st visiting us and her first grandbaby. (If you remember, she was here for his birth (insert link to back post) and had to leave when he was only 10 days old. (Yes, I cried….a lot.)

We have 2 couples of friends who have babies very close in age with Preston (I’m taking 2 days and 5 weeks apart) so we wanted to have them over to “play”. I also wanted my Mom to meet them and their kiddo’s. My Mom had met one couple while she was here because they had their baby 2 days before Preston was born.

We made the most amazing BBQ chicken, had pasta salad and watermelon then topped if off with YUMMY chocolate cupcakes.

Jenny and Jason, parents of Mr. Reed, gave us and the other couple matching bathing suits so all 3 kids could match. Preston and Reed are the boys and Miss Ainsley is the only girl. Ainsley had on a pink flowered bathing suit while the boys had on blue swim trunks with matching flowers. Needless to say, it was quite adorable and they looked very stylish!

We put them all in the pool which they loved and then we brought them inside for pictures.

First time in the pool and he LOVED it.

Yep, my boy is a little shortie! :-)

Happy at the moment...

Reed was exhausted and wanted nothing to do with pictures. I don’t think he wanted to be alone with how he felt so he beat up Ainsley a little bit until she started crying. Preston just laid there with a look of pure confusion.

“Who are these babies and WHAT are they crying about?”

Preston wishing he could run away.

There is nothing better than 2 babies crying, one Mom yelling at the other “And you want another one?” while I laugh hysterically in the other room at them all while changing my son’s diaper.

Oh yeah and the Dad’s were outside still in the pool without a care in the world.

Why is that Mom’s are assumed to take on “all” of the responsibilities of having a baby? Ay yi yi, sometimes I wish I were the Dad so I could get a little break.

4 Month Sleep Regression

Oh my gosh, it’s great to know my child is normal.

We had been having a tough time with little Preston with his sleeping since Day 1. I chalked it up to him growing and me not producing enough milk at first but when he was not getting any better, we decided we needed a new approach.

At 3 months old, still I thought he was growing and he’d get into, this thing we like to call, sleeping eventually.

Let me give you a little background…..his Dad was NOT a sleeper as a baby and I WAS! I slept through the night at 9 days old. Now, Chris on the other hand had to be walked and walked and walked some more as a baby.

When I was pregnant, I prayed to God that our child would get my sleeping gene. HA, I bet God laughed at me.

OK, so back to Preston’s sleeping. We were putting him to bed between 9-10pm every night because he just wouldn’t go down any sooner. I wanted him to go down earlier for my sake so I could get more sleep since I was waking up at 4:30am once I returned back to work.

I bought a book called Happy Sleep Habits Happy Child that was highly recommended by my cousin in NY. She (my cousin) is a huge advocate for CIO (cry-it-out) as she has done it with her 4 children including a set of twins.

I, on the other hand, was NOT and we tried everything….check and console, rock to sleep, put him down drowsy but awake, etc. Nothing worked and I mean nothing. I felt like I was just doomed and would never get any sleep ever again.

Well, my Mom comes into town (August 31^st) and she sees that he’s not content for long periods of time, his attention span is short, he needs to be held almost constantly and she says “I think we should try this CIO thing” and I agree.

Since Chris was working (and has been working evenings since my return to work so we could avoid Daycare) I figured this was the perfect time to start.  I would have support while letting my child just cry.

Well, to not make this post super long and somewhat off topic I will just give you a quick synopsis of how it’s been.

First night = crying for 1 hour and 55 minutes until finally asleep and 7.5 hours of sleep

2^nd night = 25 minutes of crying until asleep and 8.5 hours of sleep

I felt like we were on the right path until naps were becoming a problem and he still wasn’t content for very long. Well, this path above, didn’t last long.

We’re still working on it and he is now on a schedule where he gets a bath at 6pm and is in his co-sleeper no later than 7 and he’s asleep by 7:30 at the latest. It’s great, I finally have time to myself at night to eat dinner or do the dishes.

He’s not sleeping through the night but only getting up once or twice to eat and then going back to sleep.

CIO DOES work and I can attest to that. I was a non-believer but I’ve had many Mom’s and even some Dad’s tell me it has worked on their children. It’s hard, I won’t deny that, but it helps them learn how to self soothe which is a life skill they need.

If anyone plans to do this, they have to commit to it and stick with it otherwise it causes confusion with your baby and you have let your child cry for no reason.

ANNNNNNNNNNYwho, let me get back to the original reason I was writing this post….4^th month sleep regression.

Here is some explanation that made me realize what is going on with Preston is completely normal. YAY!

When a newborn falls asleep, he immediately goes into deep sleep. We all go in and out of light and deep sleep. As adults, we might change positions, look at the clock, or reposition our pillow. Up until now, you may have rocked your baby or simply given him a pacifier and he slept for hours without waking up. Well, at 3 or 4 months old, your baby is now sleeping more like an adult. Now when he falls asleep, instead of entering deep sleep, he enters lighter sleep, first. That’s why if you help him fall asleep, then put him down, he is likely to wake up because she isn’t in her deep sleep, yet.

This sounds all too familiar lately in our household.

You might have heard about the 4 month sleep regression and wonder if your baby will go back to sleeping well. Some parents will be one of the lucky few whose baby will go back to sleeping well in 2-4 weeks, however, not all of us will be that lucky. For example, I find that babies who need a pacifier to sleep where you are replacing it many times per night do not stop needing that pacifier to sleep. You might get lucky and not have to replace it 10 times (maybe “just” 3-4), but maybe not. It is usually better to solve the root of the problem than to hope you are one of the lucky ones. So, maybe wait a few weeks, but if things aren’t better, plan to make changes. I talk to parents of 8 month olds and even 20 months old who are still waiting for their “baby” to grow out of their sleep problems.

You can read more about it here  and here.

Oooooh, my most beautiful precious baby boy!

Pumping at work

Pumping at work is……well, uncomfortable and interesting.

Luckily, I am provided a “Mother’s Room” (that’s within the bathroom) with a hard chair, a mini fridge and it feels like an iceberg. If you’ve never pumped before let me tell you about it. You have to lift your entire shirt up above your boobs so you can attach the cups so you are fully exposed. A room that feels like an iceberg is NOT ideal when half of you is exposed for 10-15 minutes.

My guess is a man designed the room and the temperature of it. Of course there is no thermostat in there for me to control so I have to bring a sweatshirt with me every time.

I pump 3 times while at work; 8am, 10:30 or 11am and 2pm.

Unfortunately, I am not the only Mom that uses the room. When I returned back to work (Aug 9^th) there were 3, yes, THREE other Mom’s using the room so we had to coordinate a schedule that would work best for all of us.

I wanted to make sure my supply stayed up so I decided to pump 3 times while the others only do it 2 times. Maybe they come in to work later than I do, I have no idea.

Of course sometimes schedules get messed up with meetings and such which is why sometimes I’m pumping at 10:30 and other times it’s 11. It’s annoying when I can’t go in at my schedule time due to work issues…….

(I am my child’s food source. That is my #1 priority right now. Nothing else matters to me. Sometimes I want to tell that to everyone at work. “I don’t care about my job right now; I HAVE to go empty myself so my child has food tomorrow.”)

Daddy giving Preston some Mommy milkers.

LIKE….one day the girl who goes in at 10:30 could not switch with me (I had a meeting at 11) so I went around the building looking for an extension cord. I was going to pump in the handicap stall but there was no outlet. I would have plugged the extension cord in the wall by the sink and brought it in the stall with me.

However, I was unable to find one SO I frantically ran around the building looking for a conference room without windows. There is ONE in the entire building and it does not have a lock. :-/

I hesitantly went in and set everything up. I put a little sticky note that read “Do Not Disturb” but was worried no one would see it, it was so small. I pumped for less than my normal time because I was afraid of being “caught” (as if I was doing something wrong) and I felt violated for some reason.

Okay, so pumping in and of itself is not a comfortable thing. It does not feel good and quite honestly, it sometimes hurts.

I bring in my pump bag with a paper bag that holds my supplies (breast shields, bottles to catch the milk, bags to store the milk in, a sharpie marker and my nipple cream). Yep, I bring in a lot and I feel a little weird doing it.

So, as I stated above, this Mother’s Room is inside the bathroom. You can only imagine the sounds I hear while I am pumping. When you’re in the bathroom, you can’t hear anything in the Mother’s Room but it’s not the same when you’re in the Mother’s Room and I don’t think anyone knows that but the Mothers using the room.

This could lead me into a whole other discussion but women are DI-SGUSTING when it comes to bathroom manners. I hear noises that sound like they should be coming from the men’s room but they aren’t. I am truly blown away by some women I work with and quite frankly I can’t even look at them in the eyes anymore.

1 year ago today

**This was written for yesterday**

We found out we were going to have a baby!

All started with this.....

I cannot believe it has already been 1 full year since we found out. Time has seriously flown by.

Sept 1st has forever changed my life.

Before Sept 1 2010, we would go out as we pleased at the drop of a hat, drink whenever we wanted, go see movies, go on spontaneous vacations, eat whatever we wanted, etc.

Little did we know what our lives were about to become.....

• Constant worrying about our growing baby in utero
• The food & beverages I consumed
• The vitamins I took to better help the development of our baby
• The crime/s around us
• Buying the best (safety wise) possible baby gear
• Buying a house within good school districts
• Buying a 2nd reliable car
• Reworking our work schedules so baby didn't have to go to Daycare
• Finding a 'good' Pediatrician
• Getting very little sleep
• Feeling sad with how far we are from our parents
• Loving someone more than we ever thought possible
• Buying diapers and baby clothes rather than clothes for us
• Talking about poop constantly

It is all worth it though for the beautiful baby we have created. When he smiles at us, there's not a care in the world!

Now, I have this beautiful guy!

"He needs to be admitted!!"

Yes, the words a Mother never wants to hear from any sort of Dr.

This is a post WAY past due but since I'm back to blogging I feel as though I should write about it as it was a huge part of his first week of life.

At 5 days old (May 22nd), we went to his Pediatrician's office to be checked out for the first time since being discharged from the hospital. The second the NP walked in she said "wow, he's yellow". I couldn't see it. Was I blind to this yellow color she spoke of? My Mom could see it along with the NP and Dr. What was wrong with me?! Maybe I couldn't see it because he came out that color? Who knows.

They ordered for me to take him to get his Bilirubin checked to see if his numbers were too high. We did this 2 days after seeing her. If I had known how important it was, I would have done it sooner but neither the NP or the Dr made it seem like it was that bad.

May 24th, mine and Chris's 3rd wedding anniversary, we were sitting around enjoying our new baby, the company of my Mom and that we had been married for 3 years (wow) when the phone rang. Chris answered it to hear the Pediatrician on the other end.

He said "uh huh, ok, hold on" and then handed me the phone and said "it's not good".

Gee honey, thanks for making me think THE absolute worst thing possible.

She says "Preston's Bilirubin results came back and it's a 19 which is WAY too high. He needs to be admitted to the hospital, I have already called and reserved a bed for him. Please go as soon as you can."

I asked a few questions like, how long will he be there for, can I stay with him, etc.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I started bawling and Chris hugged me and said Preston would be ok.

I went outside where my Mom was reading a book by the pool and said, with tears streaming down my face, "he has to be admitted to the hospital for Jaundice."

I am SO thankful my Mom was still here because she assured me he would be ok and if he were to be admitted to the hospital for anything, this would be one of the better ones to be admitted for.

Thanks Mom but it didn't seem to ease my mind that my 1 WEEK OLD baby needed to be admitted to the hospital. I was heart broken. I wanted to fix it right away, take it from him so he wouldn't have to be poked and prodded again once we got to the hospital but I couldn't. All I could do was be there for him.

When we got there, the nurses were running our like crazy ladies. Come to find out, they were all home since there were no patients and got called in when they found out we were coming. They were happy to see us because it meant a paycheck for them. We ended up being their only patients which I loved. It was very quite and we were treated wonderfully! (Everyone at that hospital is just wonderful and I am so thankful to have had my sweet baby boy there.)

This is where the introduction of formula started. Apparently formula helps babies rid of said Bilirubin much faster because their urine output is higher. Odd, I know, I gave a little side eye to the nurses when they told me that too.

I was still able to breastfeed but then we'd top him off with an ounze of formula in hopes that it would also help him sleep better since he had to be nake. He HATED being naked the first few weeks and being unswaddled.

Well, he had be both while lying under his "sun tanning" lights.

This broke my heart! All I wanted to do was hold my baby and tell him it was going to be okay.

We also introduced the pacifier to help ease him of the pricks he would have to get numerous times to test his levels throughout the night. They dipped it in sugar water and then he'd take it and it would calm him down for a bit.

So teeny tiny with his binky and "sunglasses" on. The 2 white circles next to him are breast pads...use that as a comparison!

He had a rough time staying calm in the bassinet under the lights but both my Mom and I were there to console him when he needed it. I would take him out and cuddle him, feed him, or just talk to him and then put him back in for more "tanning" time.

I absolutely hated seeing my little man in a bassinet under these lights with little sunglasses on. He didn't like having his eyes covered at all either. Poor little guy!

These little hearts held on his "sunglasses".

We were able to leave in the am when the on-call Pediatrician checked Preston's levels again and had gone down to a 13 from a 20 the previous night. I was elated!

Chris had to work the next day so he was unable to go to the hospital with us. As much as he wanted to, he really needed the sleep and I had my Mom (thank God) so I was okay with him staying home.

Now that I look back at this, it wasn't so bad but at the time my hormones were all out of wack, I was adjusting to being a new Mommy and he was my pride and joy; I didn't want anything bad happening to him. He is a perfectly healthy little boy now!

I'm coming back...

Sorry folks, life has been crazy lately, ya know with a baby and all.

I plan to start blogging again not for you readers (sorry) but for the sake of my little man. I want to be able to answer those questions every child asks their parents....

• When did I start rolling over?
• When did I get my first tooth?
• How old was I when I started smiling and/or laughing?
• Where was my first vacation?
• etc....

I write these things in his baby book but I want to elaborate on each a bit more.

SO, I don't ever have time to do it at home since Chris is now working evenings M-Th. I walk in the door, he hads me the baby and he leaves for work. Then once Friday comes, I don't want to be on the computer, I want to hang with my little family.

I think I'm going to start writing drafts while at work and then post them with pictures once I get home! Great idea, don't you think?! Well, as long as no one at work is on to me! hehe

Sorry ladies, Mom has had her hands tied up with me and can't seem to find time to blog. I mean, aren't I so cute? Why would she want to leave my side to blog?

When you're pregnant, everyone knows

That you will soon be a Mom. They ask questions about when you're due, what you are having, how you are feeling and some even comment on how you look. *insert annoying comment on how big you are here*

How can you miss this belly? And this is only at 27 weeks.

Then when you have the baby and you're out in public, everyone knows you're a Mom.

BUT, when you're out and about without baby, nobody has a CLUE that you're a Mother at all. This here makes me sad. I want the world to know that I am a Mother to a beautiful baby boy whom I love more than life itself.

I want people to know that the little pudgie belly I still have is because I'm only 6 weeks post baby and I'm working on getting it tightened back up.

I want to wear something that says "I am a Mother". Would that be silly?

Our little chuck-a-monk!

I swear to never judge again

Yep, I will be honest, I judged before I had a child. Should I have? No, probably not, since I had no idea what it was like to raise a child and to care of an infant.

Well, I am making a pledge, to never judge again.

I would judge those who never breastfed, only used formula, threw their child infront of a TV, vaccinated, gave their child soda and hot dogs, and women with children and without wedding rings on (as I haven't been able to wear mine still), etc.

Ok, a few of those things I still don't agree with but I don't judge. I understand every parent is different and so is every child therefore judging just isn't right to do.

Before I even got pregnant I said I would never feed my child formula for the meer fact that breastmilk is 100 times better for them. Then I did research on it and swore even harder that I would do whatever I had to, to not give my child any. Well....little did I know I wouldn't be quite the milk machine that my child needs me to be and therefore we have to give him some formula.

When he was a week old, he had to be admitted to the hospital for Jaundice (a post I still need to write) and this is where the introduction of formula started. It helps them rid of the Bilirubin a lot faster so we gave him only a few oz's.

Then we went to the Pediatrician at 9 days old and he wasn't back up to his birth weight so we were told to supplement with some formula to help get him back up. This devistated me. I called formula the devil's food, I won't lie.

I still h.a.t.e. giving it to him but I know that it's for the better. He just isn't satisfied with just nursing on me. Now that I have a good pump (Thanks to Modern Mommy Boutique) I can get quite a bit of breastmilk stored in the fridge for when he's not full from nursing. We are pretty much down to only formula at night and that's not even every feeding.

Things are getting better with nursing and it's making me one happy Mommy. I hope to get him off the formula completely, one of these days as it's still not good for him. (Yes, better than starving though.)

So, although I swear to never judge on this topic, I feel like I am being judged when I buy a can of it or people see me feeding it to Preston. I may never get past this fear of being judged but at least I learned a lesson not to judge.

I mean, look at this sweet baby boy's face. Does he look like he's fed well?! Falling asleep after having Mommy's milk!

I finally feel human again

I didn't feel like myself for the first 4ish weeks of Preston's life.

I wish it were different and that I instantly felt normal or like myself after he was born. Everyone warns you of potential Post Partum Depression (PPD) but you really don't understand how your body is going to react to the hormones trying to get back to normal. (Let me clarify....I don't believe I had PPD, my horomones were just all out of wack.)

Honestly, I thought he'd come out, and I'd feel normal. I had a very easy pregnancy when it came to hormones. I never felt crazy, emotional, angry, sad, etc. I felt blessed and in turn thought I'd have no problem once he was born.

I was wrong. I was an emotional wreck. I'd cry and I wouldn't know why. Once my Mom went back to NY, it got even worse. It also didn't help that Preston would cry A LOT the first 2 weeks until we realized he just wasn't getting enough milk from me.

Once 5 weeks hit (last Tuesday), it's like I entered a whole new world. His sleeping got better, he'd go to sleep without having to be rocked, we figured out how much he'd need to eat to be happy, I felt comfortable leaving the house with him by myself, I finally figured out how to shower and get ready when I was home alone with him, and more importantly, I met 2 girls who live very close to me who both have babies within 5 weeks of Preston who I hang out with and talk to about the ups and downs of having a newborn.

Yesterday, I met one of these girls at a Breastfeeding Support Group and then we went to lunch. I came home to Chris, fed Preston, ran to the store, jumped in the pool and had a beer.

Yes, I FINALLY feel human again and I am sooooo happy about it.

If you're a first time Mom and feeling like I did, just know that it will get better, I promise you!

After eating, he's half asleep and as happy as can be....(faces like this make it all worth it) 

And so is mommy!

Does it matter the genre of music?

If it will put your child to sleep?

Judge me if you will but my child loves rap and hip hop. If he's cranky and/or tired and just won't go down for his nap or calm down, we just put the iPod on and he's out!

It's quite amazing, I won't lie!

I am so happy that Chris figured this out. In his first 3 weeks of life, he wouldn't just go down if he was tired; he had to be rocked to sleep and sometimes that wouldn't even work. So, one day, Chris put the iPod on and he was instantly happy.

It also helps that we bought a new swing in which he is in love with.

Thank you, Lord, for both music and baby swings.

1 Month already?!?!

Wow, I can't believe my sweet baby boy is 1 month old already (as of yesterday).

Didn't I just have him? It truly is unbelievable how quickly they grow up.

May 17, 2011 Preston Garrett entered the world

Preston weighed in at 7 lbs 6 oz's and was 20.5 inches long of pure perfection.

Our lives have been forever changed. We are on his schedule which includes lots of feedings, late night feedings, tons of diaper changes, sleepless nights, and rocking him to sleep.

He now weighs 9 lbs 12.5 oz's (90th percentile) and is 22.5 inches (97th percentile) long. WOWZERS...he sure has grown!

Slow down little man, you are only little once and we'd like to enjoy it a bit longer, please!

Things he does or loves:

Smiling on occasion

Lying with his Momma

Eating

Riding in the car (puts him right to sleep)

Being in his swing

Yep, our little guys is just adorable and we couldn't have imagined our lives any differently!!!

Preston we love you more than you will ever know. We hope you are happy and we want you to know we will give you the world. XOXO

I feel extremely guilty....

For having moved to Arizona and leaving my family.

I felt guilty at the time, just about 2 years ago, when we left NY to move to sunny AZ but I knew that I couldn't stay there just because of the guilt. I had to do it for myself, for my husband, for US.

Where I am from, in NY, it is not known for a booming job market or good weather. Both are pretty sucky which is why we packed up and moved. Having a husband from Northern California didn't help either. He hated the snow more than I did and I had lived in it my whole life, a mere 27.5 years. He would moan and complain every day he had to shovel or snowblow or when his car wouldn't get up the driveway because the snow was so packed down.

He made the sacrifice first to move to NY to be with me so I only felt it was right of me to give moving a chance. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Arizona. How can you beat having the sun out almost every day of the year, no snow, hardly any rain?! It's quite amazing. Yes, the summers are H.O.T but again, it beats the snow and having to shovel or snowblow, having to warm up your car at least 15 minutes before leaving the house or having to scrape ice off your windshield for a good 10-20 minutes. You don't have to bundle up or put layers upon layers on. You don't have to worry about the salt from the Snow Plows rusting your car....

Ok, so back to why I feel guilty. I guess I could go on and on about the pros of living in sunny AZ but I won't bore you.

I feel guilty because it's not just about me and my husband anymore, it's about us and our CHILD. He has Grandparents who absolutely adore him who live in NY and Northern Cal. Obviously, I feel more guilty about being away from my parents rather than my In-laws for a couple reasons. 1. Because they are my parents. 2. They are MUCH further from us than Northern Cal.

Northern Cal is only a 11-12 hour drive. Upstate NY is a whole day of plane ride away or a good 3-4 day drive. It's not easy or cheap either way you look at it.

I am the only one who will give my parents grandchildren and now they don't even get to be a part of his life full time. Yes, I feel guilty. It's horrible, it's eating away at me. I try to remember that we can Skype, send pictures and see eachother hopefully 2-4 times a year but it's just not the same.

My Mom is my best friend other than my husband. She knows me the best as she's the one who raised me. She couldn't wait to be a Grandma and I know she missed Preston more than anything. Does she miss me? Yes, of course but I think I've taken a backseat to her Grandson now and I am ok with that.

I really hope to get her to move out here one day......whether that is in 5 years (not going to happen) or 10 years. Hopefully, it is before she is too old.

For us to move back East would just be too hard. Going from this weather to that horrible horrible cold and frigged weather, we would be absolutely miserable. Plus, our little pup wouldn't be able to handle it either, he just loves the heat and sun.

How do you move across the country with a baby/child anyways? That sounds like torture to me. Also, having to sell our house sounds just as horrible.......

So, until we can be close again, my guilt will continue and we will do our best to see eachother as much as possible.

I mean, is there anything better than a Grandmother's love??

Mom....please accept my apology for moving 3000 miles away. I know it's not easy and I miss you just as much as you miss us. I wish we could be close again. I can only imagine the possibilities if we were!

How do I find the time?

To honestly do anything other than care for this little human we created?

I want to blog but once I sit down to do it, he wakes up, like RIGHT now.

I want to clean but can't find the time.

I would love to shower everyday but that doesn't even happen. Gross, I know but I don't go anywhere or see anyone other than my husband so does it really matter?

Everyone says to sleep when he sleeps but then I will really get nothing done.

He likes to eat, sleep and poop. It doesn't seem hard to care for a 3 week old but it is. He is demanding. He likes to fight his sleep which is a trait he got from his Daddy. When he's awake, he doesn't like to be put down, a trait he got from his Mommy.

I hope to find more time to blog. Having wireless internet would really come in handy right now but we don't have it.

I still need to blog about his trip back to the hospital at 1 week old for Jaundice, our trials and tribulations with breastfeeding, starting cloth diapers, etc.

I will leave you with some adorable pictures to hold you over.